I started my day by quickly checking out my rig. We grabbed some quick breakfast. We traveled from our fire station to our operations base. I was nervous, but I went in and told my boss that I was applying for a transfer to Las Vegas. Now Many people would say that this shouldn’t be a hard thing to do. Well, for me it was. I was nervous that the simple thought of me wanting to leave would push him over the edge. We have a lot of people desiring moves and quitting. Fortunately we are fully staffed as of today. I have not always had the greatest relationship with the boss or any of the leadership. Their have been conflicts and with recent rumors, I am not the only who has had a run in with the boss. He handled it well. He seemed to be understanding. At least I warned him ahead of time. No sense in upsetting what I have here, by letting him find out I want to move, by hearing from HR instead of me.
I reassured him that at this point I was not looking for other employment which is 95 percent true. I am just desiring the transfer to be closer to my in laws. If things do not work out, and by that I mean, I don’t pass the testing and interview process, then I am here and hoping that I can just continue with my employment here without interruption or retribution.
So it is now just a waiting game on their HR dept to talk with my HR dept and to give me the chance to test. They have a testing date in april. As long as I know that testing date prior to the 18th of March, I can just take some vacation time. I am also waiting on the my revert papers from NREMT.
Work yesterday was interesting. I didn’t really worry about anything, no stress, and not a overload of calls. I sat around on my computer quite a bit. I worked on soccer assigning and am moments away from sending out the full schedule to everyone. I was kind of hoping that I could use an assignors software, but the tech guy hasn’t gotten back to me. So excel (numbers) spreadsheets and crap loads of emails.
Home life. Well let’s just say it could be better. I wish my attitude could change, I really want it to, but how much do I really need to sacrifice. I don’t ask for a sparkling clean house. I don’t ask for meals to be served to me. I am not afraid to cook and help out around the house. I don’t have many rules for people to follow. My Wife is amazing. My little guy is awesome. He is walking everywhere and is all boy. He plays with cars and wants to play ball. My little girl is awesome. She is at preschool as I type. She is a lot like me, which is kind of nice. At least my attitude and behaviors will carry on to another generation.
My step kids are a major point of frustration. I know their lives have been drastically changed in the last few years. I understand that stability for them would be nice. I want them to understand that I want them to succeed. I want them to be good people. I want them to compromise and sacrifice to make this work. They are a part of my family. I knew this going into this marriage. They didn’t initially live with us. Now they do, ALL THE TIME. It is expected that they are going to Las Vegas with us.
I really don’t want to take them. I hate to say that. It is absolutely true. Life will be stressful enough in moving. Life is stressful here. We are obviously going to move to a smaller place in Vegas. I can’t imagine I would get a huge raise. The housing market out there needs explored. I hate to even put the thought in my head, but they plainly hate me, disrespect me. I am not their father. I know this. They have a father, and he is in their lives. He may not be the best choice, but he is an option. The step kids have demonstrated that they do not want to be part of my family. They don’t have to live with me. I have to live with them for now. SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE. They run amok, and it is even worse when I am not at home. I have resorted to sheer fear as my leading tactic in dealing with them. This sucks. repeating the rules, repeating the expectations, and in general repeating everything hasn’t worked. They have made me someone I do not want to be.
They don’t do anything without being asked. They don’t have much to do in my house, but they will never do anything to help unless coerced convinced threatened or compensated. They lie. They cheat. They steal. They fight. They they they. To be balanced and fair, I expect a lot I guess. I am an asshole. I expect clean rooms. I expect help with simple chores. I expect people to leave other’s things alone. I expect that you clean up your own mess. My coping skills with them are gone. It equals a whole lot of yelling. Obviously not an effective method for getting cooperation.
I am selfish, I am childish. That has been my attitude for a few weeks. Today, being the day after I told my boss I wanted to transfer, I am setting a new standard. I control my own life.
Mkaela, Cai, and Callie only have two options.
1. Be part of this household
2. Not be part of this household.
Option 1 requires that they follow my basic rules failure to do so demonstrates to me that they do not want to be here. I will not force them to stay here. They have their fathers house. That option sucks for them, but I am not willing to be my current self for the next ten years. I am the adult, I pay the bills, I provide the shelter they current reside in. If they do not respect the mother or my house rules, they ARE NOT GOING WITH TO MY NEW HOUSE. I WILL NO LONGER LET THEM MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE.
MY HOUSE IS MY HOME. I AM IN CONTROL. like it or not I am one of the bosses here.
Option 2 is simple. They finish the school year here, and on the last day of school, their dad can pick them up and if I am still here, I will have their stuff packed up.
Wow yup I am fired up. I am sick of being fired up. I am sick of knowing I am being rude and insensitive. I am sick of being that step dad that treats them like crap. Well, I am sick of being disrespected in my own home. They have options, I do not. This is my home, I have my family to take care of. They can be part of it or not, but I am not going to tolerate their acting as though they have control of MY HOME.
Rant over for now, I have to call my season ticket rep and find out where all of my stuff is. Great time to be fired up I guess.