Today was starting out to be a great day. Shift change completed and the normal c shift crew left and my “A” shift took over. This usually means sitting around for a couple of minutes chatting then moving on to getting vehicle checks done. Today that was interrupted by a really annoying firefighter from another station and another shift. He felt obligated to tell us all about his ordeal of purchasing and selling his latest home. I will not bore you with details, but no home purchase or sale story should take an hour and fifteen minutes to tell. He eventually left after he realized only one person remained around to listen to him after the first thirty minutes. Poor guy didn’t even really acknowledge that no one cared, and only the really nice guy stuck around for his whole diatribe.
If it couldn’t get any worse, this guy decides to start rehashing old fire stories. Please kid, I’ve seen more than you ever will, and many others in the station feel the exact same way. We feel terrible (if only temporarily) when we purposefully avoid you, but damn kid you are annoying. I am not the most social guy, but damn, there were so many hints and social cues you missed. If I am ever that clueless, shoot me.
I went off to start a WMD online class. I had no idea how generalized it was. It was simple awareness level. I was afraid that I would be sitting here for hours learning nothing new and gaining nothing from it. I was acutely surprised when I realized that I might actually learn something. I did learn a few new things. Not much, but a few. It was was the typical government course, watch these slides take a quiz, watch many more slides take more quizzes. Remember the answers to the quizzes as they are the exact same questions that are on the final exam. Tada print your own certificate and life is good.
I needed this class for the move to Las Vegas that I am contemplating. Ok If you have read any of my other blog posts I usually mention Vegas in some form or another. Well I am much closer to moving there now than I was a week ago. I think it is the right time to actually move.
This is slightly complicated by the school aged kids in my house. The family dynamic is interesting, but in the simplest of terms, we can’t move the whole family until the school year here is over. That wouldn’t really be fair to anyone. That does not mean that I cannot head out there and get settled in. Yes it will truly suck to not see the wife and kids for days at a time even weeks. But there is the fear that the open positions at that operation will not be open forever. I could wait until the school year is over, but who knows if those positions will still be open.
As a nationally registered paramedic I can essentially go anywhere. Vegas is the choice due to in law proximity. Closer to the in law I cannot stand, and very close to the in law that I like, and farther away from the ex I can’t stand.
In fairness there is lots of stress in my household right now. I bring some of it to the group. I know that I do, and after trying for many months to cope with the additional stresses I have come to my wits ends. I say it with some sarcasm, but I really don’t feel like caring anymore. This is not an all the time feeling, but it is becoming more frequent that I feel this way. I am realizing that things are not going to change. My methods for dealing with it are not working. It is insane to think that I expect different results.
My immediate solution and for my mental health is to try to ignore some stuff. Try to take care of myself and others that absolutely need my help. I have no desire to go above and beyond for those not willing to do their part. It sounds childish and selfish, and it probably is, but I need to assimilate to the attitudes of others. I will never get my own way all the time. I never expect that. If I had my way there would be rules for thousands of things. Being unrealistic, I pared the rules down to two. Don’t mess with other people’s stuff, and clean up your own messes. Those simple rules should not be that hard to follow. Do some chores, be respectful, I truly believed those were common sense. I was wrong. My idea of common sense must be skewed.
Ok long rant over. I am at work, my home is stressful, I am not helping that much, and I am tired. I have big plans in the next month and another major life shift is about to occur. I am very positive about the move, I am positive I will be offered the job. I am positive that it is time for a nap at work.