Adventure in government funded drinking.

What a title, yes I know it is difficult to comprehend that the government would fund drinking.  Let’s get over that quickly and don’t take it to the extreme.

I was called by my best friend a few days ago.  I haven’t really had much time to converse with him, let alone hang out at all.  I knew from the minute he invited me, that I must take him up on his offer.

The plan was simple.  I would drink, he would drink, and the Local Sheriffs dept would pay for the drinks.  In trade they asked that we submit to multiple field sobriety tests.  These tests are used to recertify or train DUI officers.

The deputy arrived outside my house, I walked to the car.  It is not everyday that you are willing to walk right into a law enforcement vehicle and climb in.  I was apprehensive at first, wondering constantly what I was getting into.  Was this a trap of some or sort, or what the catch was.

All of my fears were averted when I realized that we were going to drink, and boy did we.  The deputies measured out our drinks and kept track of how much we consumed.  Two and a half hours, drink all you can or want.  Just don’t puke was the only advice they offered.  My friend had been through this before and as a pro decided to set a new record.  He consumed approximately 24 alcoholic drinks, in the time frame.  I was a little more conservative, and settled for 12 (I think).

The fun really began when we, along with two other willing volunteers, were herded to a big classroom.  Walking into the class I suddenly realized how intoxicated I was.  The room wasn’t spinning, but it was close, and I thought that I was truly about to fall over.  My friend was his usual drunken self, full of false confidence and a swagger most alcoholics envy.

We had been through multiple breathalyzer tests.  I went from a .000 to a .049 and remained there through most of my drinks.  Yes, my liver still functions.   My friend topped the charts at .079.  Did I mention these were our readings from our first hour of drinking.  The drinking period expired, I felt like I was above the legal limit here in Colorado (.080) but somehow after the final beep and click of the breathalyzer, I managed only to get .078.

I must interject here, even though I was legally impaired and perfectly legal to drive, I would not have.  I was loud, tangential, and unable to really focus.

My friends final tally was .130 quite an improvement over my score.  He seemed so much more stable and composed.  Oh yea he weighs about an hundred or more pounds more than I do.

The tests performed were standard.  follow my finger, take x amount of steps on the line, blah blah blah.  Boring, but kinda entertaining when you are almost legally intoxicated.

Not the most exciting story, but let me tell ya.  A night out at the bar fifty bucks or more, plus ride home, plus the hangover.  A day out on the sheriffs dept, priceless.


About burnedoutmedic

I am a full time paramedic working in a 911 system. Vegas baby. A dry sense of humor, and no writing skills

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